Victor: Do you listen to all the experts on podcasts and think, "no wonder they're experts. They're awesome. They're smart. They're..." -- stop right there! You're awesome. You have a story to tell, and there really is no one like you. Fellow normal humans Dalia Ramahi and Jordan Drayer share what they've learned in hopes of inspiring you to find your unique voice. This is the Blooming Voices Podcast. Go to bloomingvoices.com for more information. Now let's get to it.

Jordan: Hi guys. Welcome to the Blooming Voices Podcast. I'm Jordan Drayer.

Dalia: And I'm Dalia Ramahi. Thank you for joining us today.

Jordan: So today we're going to talk about comparing ourselves, which is a big thing in creative fields, of course, and something I still don't have a handle on - I'm working on, as I'm sure many of you are.

Dalia: Yeah. That's for sure. It's not easy to be in a creative field or even as a business owner, you know, as a small business owner and entrepreneur, and maybe sometimes feel like you don't measure up and -- or are you just seeing what others around you are doing, and you compare. So we're excited to talk about this topic today.

Jordan: And this goes back to like, I dunno, prehistoric times where, "oh, that person has more resources than me. They're going to survive longer." That kind of thing. It is about survival in the, in the small brain or the ani -- the lizard brain, part of the brain.

Dalia: It always goes back to survival of the fittest, huh? [laughs]

Jordan: Yeah. But like, this is about, this is what spiritual work is to, like, rise above the lizard brain.

Dalia: That's right. You know, we're always trying to overcome our ego mind so that we can connect with our higher self and thrive. You want to get into the zone of thriving instead of just surviving, which unfortunately, a lot of artists get stuck in sometimes, the survival mode, so.

Jordan: Yeah, they -- apparently the best artists are -- I mean, so painters -- this is a quote that I've heard. The best painters are not the best painters. It's because they know how to sell themselves. And yeah, they don't fear the rejection. They don't fear, "oh, this person has a better style than me. I'm not good," but no, it's because they do have some confidence in themselves, and they know how to market themselves, even if it's not that good.

Dalia: So you're saying they, they know how to hustle! [laughs]

Jordan: Yeah. They know how to hustle. And so, and they believe in themselves and their confidence in themselves makes them appear a good artist. Even though maybe this person who has one painting that's magnificent is really, I don't know, a hundred times better, but no one's ever going to know them because they're not sharing their work.

Dalia: Exactly. It's like that quote. I always see it whenever I go on social media and everyone -- when anyone wants to do like a feel-good thing to remind other creatives or whatever. You know, someone could be out there doing what you do not because they're better at you, just because they decided to do it while you're just standing back and questioning yourself, questioning your abilities, questioning your, um, connection to the world, whatever it is.

Jordan: Yeah. It's kind of that you'll, you'll never be ready thing, for anything. You'll never be ready for parenthood. You'll never be ready to get married. You'll never yeah. Anything.

Dalia: Yeah. So, I mean, I know, especially in our field, you've just got to jump in at some point, and you can like, as voice actors, you know. You can get all the training in the world and spend all your time on your website and your marketing materials. But if you don't just go out there and do the thing, like, what is the point of any of it? You know? All right, so --

Jordan: It's good to have some kind of foundation of, oh, okay, a decent microphone, a good enough website that has contact information. But yeah.

Dalia: Well, of course. But what I mean is some people just get stuck in the phase of not doing --

Jordan: Yeah, yeah.

Dalia: -- because they think they're not ready, you know?

Jordan: "The colors aren't perfect." 

Dalia: But I remember I used to know this --

Jordan: "The text isn't perfect."

Dalia: -- uh, artist and, uh, that's exactly -- you literally described exactly what she would say. "I'm not ready. I need more training. I need to do this, my paintings aren't ready and whatever," blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, just put out your work. It's nice work. You know what I mean? So I think that her fear of rejection was just so strong. She couldn't overcome that. And so she never got to that second point of executing, you know?

Jordan: Yeah, and as a kind of side note too, I once read -- I forgot the name of the book, but it was like a business for women book. And they mentioned too how many women hold back until they're like 90% ready and men more likely to act at like 50%, and so...

Dalia: Oh, I know! And that number is so infuriating because there's so many talented women that just get in their own way of their own success --

Jordan: Yeah...

Dalia: -- because of this very reason. So that's what we're going to talk about today. And some, you know, maybe just tips or techniques to, uh, help anyone else out there who struggles like us to overcome it.

Jordan: Yeah.

Dalia: So...

Jordan: I wanna hear your tips. It sounds like you're really further along than I am right now.

Dalia: Okay. Well, you know, uh, I am, I used to be -- just this really quickly, just so we're all clear -- I was also stuck in comparison mode sometimes, you know. I would look at what other voice actors were doing, and I'm like, "damn, why aren't I further along?" Or "maybe I'm not as good as I thought," or whatever, you know, insert whatever insecurity that you have, just insert it in my brain, and that's what I told myself, you know what I mean? And um, it's, they're very normal things to think about, you know. You're being vulnerable in your work, regardless of what that is, and you're putting it out there. So it's only natural to compare. A comparison can debilitate you. It can stop you from the success you want. 

And so what I've learned to do is, when I have a thought like that, I stop what I'm doing. I acknowledge the thought, and then I reframe the thought. So for me, it started off very simple, like "man, oh, I don't think I'll ever be as, as good." You know what I mean? Or this especially got me in the areas of animation or character acting. I constantly compared myself to other actors and I'm like, "oh, well, that's how it's done," you know what I mean? 

Jordan: Yeah.

Dalia: That's why they got hired. You know what I mean? I would've never thought about that, you know? But then I realized I am not here to compare myself on their journey. They're already in Disney movies or Netflix shows or whatever it is. I am not, you know what I mean? And so our journeys are very different, and you can't compare yourself to somebody else because you have no clue what they went through to get to where they're at. They probably had to overcome their own comparison mind traps or whatever it is. That the only way we can rise above the level we're at is to rise above the thoughts. You know what I mean? 

So I just reframed my thoughts. I'll be like, "okay, well, no, I'm on my own journey. And I'm perfectly timed. My life is perfectly timed for me because only I know what obstacles, what challenges, what life experiences I've had to bring me to this point." You know what I mean? 

Jordan: Yeah. Like that can be infuriating and its own right. "Oh, I'm so impatient. Why, why isn't it my turn yet?" But yeah, I guess there is a lot of trust involved, the universe or God or whatever.

Dalia: It's all trust, exactly. Because you know, whatever your spiritual or religious beliefs are, you got to go into life with a certain amount of faith, faith that it will all work out. You know, we aren't born with a negative mindset, and I don't say that in a negative way. We learn negative thought patterns. Um, think about it from an early age when a kid is constantly told no, no, no, no, no. Or you can't do that. You can't do this. Sit down, be quiet, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. We're constantly told about society's rules, about family rules, about community rules, whatever it is. Right? 

Jordan: Yeah. 

Dalia: So we naturally learn to think in the negative. That's what I mean by negative thinking. It's not all "well, blah, blah, blah. She's just a bad person. I'm a bad person." I don't mean like that specifically. I mean, even though that kind of negative thinking is a natural evolution of our negative thought processes for some, you know? But that's what I mean when we think in the negative. So I remember telling myself, if I can think in the negative, then I can absolutely think in the positive. And there's nothing wrong with that. 

Jordan: Yeah.

Dalia: Who's to say that I can't? Who's to say that I won't? Who's to say that I shouldn't? So I just, whenever I had a thought that was in the negative, I literally just changed the words to make it a positive one. And that, my friends, literally made my self-worth and my self-confidence shoot up just by doing that simple mind exercise because I'm like, I absolutely am a character actress. Absolutely. I am, I am becoming one of the best character actress -- actresses. I believe that with all my heart and my faith and I say, yeah, I'm going to trust in this. Just like for my whole life, I was, I learned to trust in the negative, now I'm learning to trust in the positive. Does that make sense? I don't know. 

Jordan: Yeah, but it what's funny is like, as I listened to you, I'm feeling sadder, actually.

Dalia: Why?

Jordan: Like to be vulnerable right now. I don't know, 'cause it makes me feel "wow. She really does have it all together, and I'm not there yet." And I dunno. It's interesting.

Dalia: See, there you go. There, that's a perfect example of comparing. 

Jordan: Yeah.

Dalia: Let's not forget, I am like 10 years older. [laughs]

Jordan: Yeah, it's true, I know.

Dalia: You know what I mean?

Jordan: Like there's always these things, or like one of my other friends I know like, 'cause she, yeah, she again is like 10 years older than me, and she's really in a ton of stuff right now and she's on, she's at a Disney show. And like when she was my age and she first came here, she was like on food stamps and stuff. And so I was like, wow. Like at least I'm in a better position because I had a job when I first arrived here and stuff like that. Like you can't, yeah, it's true. Like you can't always know. And I think this is also a twin thing in general to compare more often.

Dalia: Oh yes, like because we're constantly being compared by the world, so as twins, we're naturally, constantly in that -- we get stuck in that comparison mind trap. I know a lot of regular people do, non-twins, but I think it's even worse for twins sometimes.

Jordan: Yeah, I think so. But yeah, or even, 'cause I was recently, I dunno, complaining on a forum on Facebook because somebody talked about voiceover marketing and the things. And I was like, I just feel like there's a block between me and the work, and everyone else always talks about auditions and I don't know where are they getting these auditions from? And I named like email marketing, agents, and social media. I was like, I do these things, and I know I could do more. And I was happy to see like someone that I admire, like he responded back saying, you're doing it. 

Dalia: Yeah.

Jordan: Like, you really just need more of it because you've pretty much named all of the fa -- the uh, the ways that -- that's like, I want to speak French -- all of the ways that you can, um, market. And so it's like, whoa, okay. And he was like, "I have five or six agents, and I still don't get much work from them." And I was like, wow, okay. 'Cause I always fear, every time I walk into a class, an acting class where people are like, "I'm represented by so-and-so --

Dalia: Ugh, yeah.

Jordan: -- "and so-and-so" and I'm like, okay, well, I only have this one small agent and...

Dalia: But see, and that's again comparing --

Jordan: Yeah, I know.

Dalia: -- because we're constantly -- we're like, "oh, I must be inferior." 

Jordan: Yeah. Instead of thinking, no --

Dalia: It's like the whole keeping up with the Joneses thing.

Jordan: -- I'm a beginner! 

Dalia: But you're not a beginner. You're a working pro.

Jordan: I mean, I'm not a beginner, but I am at the beginning of my career. Like I have done --

Dalia: You know where you're at --

Jordan: -- all the education.

Dalia: -- you're exactly where you're meant to be, you know what I mean?

Jordan: I have worked, and I do have an agent.

Dalia: Exactly.

Jordan: And I'm just not as far along, yeah.

Dalia: And yet -- and now you're better off than a lot of other voice actors --

Jordan: Yeah.

Dalia: -- who have none of that, you know? That, okay, so that's, that's exactly it. You know, you just said like, I have a friend who is 10 years older, and now she's in a Disney show when she started here. Like when I, when I heard that, I'm like, "oh, so she's about my age." And you said she was on food stamps. I've lived here my -- I've lived here -- I've lived here in, in, in my comfort zone my whole life, in the Washington, DC area. You know what I mean? And I'm not saying that I'm not doing well for myself because I'm so, I'm so thankful and grateful for the life that I'm living here. You know what I mean? But I'm like, damn. So she's my age and she's already in a Disney show, which is where I want to be, what, and when --

Jordan: Yeah.

Dalia: So, see, I don't have my, my shit together because my first thought was, oh, you know what I mean? Good for her. But man. So like, so I get caught up sometimes, especially because I feel that my -- I feel, even though I know I'm not old, I feel time is ticking faster sometimes. You know what I mean? 

Jordan: Yeah.

Dalia: I'm like, I don't want to be 60 and have my breakthrough, but if that's when it happens, oh, well. Okay. That's when it happens.

Jordan: Yeah, because there are those people like Morgan Freeman, Samuel L. Jackson, even Alan Rickman, like they didn't get famous until they were like forties and fifties.

Dalia: Exactly. And so you just have to have faith, at some point, you just have to trust and have faith in the timing of your life, because there is so much. Uh, whether you believe in karma or not, or past lives or not -- I don't necessarily believe in past lives. I don't ascribe to that specifically. You know what I mean? My point is you have a lifetime's worth of experience, energy, obstacles, shit. You know what I mean? 

Jordan: Yeah.

Dalia: Baggage that has just gotten in your way, and you need to heal and go through your process to open yourself up. And so that is why your life is perfectly timed for where you're at right now, because no one else has lived your life experience. And no one else has walked in your shoes. Even though we always say, try to walk in someone else's shoes, it's completely impossible. 

Jordan: Yeah, yeah.

Dalia: It's not complete -- you can try. But what I'm saying is you will never know the depth of someone's life experience. So I think for me, it was important to heal myself, to work on my mindset, to work on my spirituality.

Jordan: Yeah.

Dalia: To work on all the aspects of me that needed to heal so I can get to this point in my career. 

Jordan: That is where I am now. Like in the last year, I did a lot of different programs, uh, not just religious, but also like ACA, 12-step kind of stuff. And uh, yeah --

Dalia: Can you explain that a little bit? The ACA --

Jordan: What?

Dalia: Can you explain that a little bit? 

Jordan: It's Adult Children of Alcoholics. So it's like Al-Anon but more focused. Because in Al-Anon, and -- anyone can go like, "oh, I'm the, I'm the sister of an alcoholic. I'm the cousin, blah, blah." 

Dalia: Ah, okay.

Jordan: If someone is close to you, but I found, I found that I wasn't quite, I don't know, liking the message or like feeling like I fit there because I don't. My, neither of my, what they call the qualifier, neither of my qualifiers are alcoholics, but there, there is, uh, some other like personality disorder kind of things that qualify --

Dalia: Ah, yeah.

Jordan: -- that one of my past therapists was like, "oh, um, you kind of meet the, the tendencies and fears that a child of alcoholics has. Maybe that -- you would benefit from that." So that's why I started going. But so yeah, ACA --

Dalia: Interesting.

Jordan: -- is more the parents are the qualifiers and not the cousin or the spouse or something.

Dalia: Oh, okay, cool. Thank you for explaining that. And um, okay, so you did a lot of programs in the past year? 

Jordan: Yeah. And I'm still continuing with different stuff this year. And like last year, I started -- there's like the Jewish spiritual path called Mussar, which is kind of like Buddhism for Judaism, which is interesting. 'Cause I that's my -- I enjoy that more than like all the, the God reverence and that kind of stuff. I don't really, I'm still not sure. Like, that's another topic too. Like, what do I really think of God? 

Dalia: Yeah.

Jordan: But um, yeah. So yeah, like I had Mussar I had ACA, I had a normal therapy, and it was really helpful.

Dalia: Yeah. Well, you see, you're on your journey. And um, so someone else might be hearing that and be like, wow, Jordan's further along on her spiritual journey than I am. You know what I mean? 

Jordan: [laughs] It's possible.

Dalia: So like, you know, if we want, you can go down this rabbit hole all day long --

Jordan: Yeah.

Dalia: -- with every part of your life.

Jordan: Yeah.

Dalia: But what's what purpose does that serve? Ultimately it's, it's to serve your ego. The ego mind wants us to stay small, play small because that's how it survives. And it's -- all right, you know, when we talk about ego, we're not talking about pride. So I know that a lot of people would be like, oh, look at it. He has an ego the size of --

Jordan: Yeah, yeah.

Dalia: Montana. I don't know, I just picked that state at random. I don't know why, but --

Jordan: It's a big one. 

Dalia: Yeah. But like, uh, it's uh, it's -- we're not talking about that ego. As in terms of pride, we're talking about, you know, ourselves, the survival self --

Jordan: Yeah.

Dalia: -- which is called the ego mind. 

Jordan: Or the lizard brain, yeah. 

Dalia: Yeah. And then, uh, our higher selves, which is what ultimately we all want to connect to because that's your authentic self. That's the part of you that lights you up, that gives you purpose, that gives you your joy.

Jordan: Spiritual being.

Dalia: The ego mind doesn't. Yeah. The ego mind doesn't connect you to that. It keeps you surviving in this world because we are physical beings --

Jordan: Yeah.

Dalia: -- having this physical experience. We are spiritual in nature, but we are literally in this physical world. So we have to live with the physical rules of this world. 

Jordan: Yeah. Spiritual beings having a physical -- you said physical beings having a physical experience!

Dalia: Oh, sorry! I meant, I meant spiritual beings having a physical experience.

Jordan: Yeah.

Dalia: But that's exactly what we are. Anyway, so comparing ourselves is part of that.

Jordan: Yeah.

Dalia: Because if you think you're not good enough, then you don't have to try, or you're -- you might think, well, whatever. Maybe, maybe the answer is to give up, and hey, that'll make your ego so happy because if you're not trying, you're not pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, it thinks it's keeping you safe. So great.

Jordan: Yeah, it's just that thing, like, you're surviving. Yes. But are you living?

Dalia: Yeah, you're not thriving. 

Jordan: That kind of thing.

Dalia: Yeah. 

Jordan: You're not living.

Dalia: So you got to get to the point. And I think the best way that I found that helped me, and I hope it helps you, is reframing now. And now -- so the step that I take after that is when I have a thought that I don't like, that is contrary to the faith that I've put in my heart about my journey, I literally say a positive affirmation. So one that I heard that I absolutely loved and I adopted it for myself is "I am manifesting extraordinary experiences and I have the Midas touch." Boom, that works for me.

Jordan: Wow.

Dalia: It interrupts whatever negative thought pattern I might be feeling or experiencing. And boom, it gets me into alignment with my spiritual self, with my higher self, with my purpose. And I keep moving forward ,and I feel more aligned, you know? So if that works for you, do it, but you first have to decide, I want to have the positive mindset over the negative one. And every time you experience a negative thought, try to replace it with a positive one. 

Jordan: Yeah, or like that you can --

Dalia: And little by little -- 

Jordan: -- you can focus on something else. Like, something that I have started, well, I started like last year or something because of my jealousy of other actors or whatever, it's like, yeah, just that. Oh, well, yeah. You don't know how hard they worked, so, "oh, they got that job, huh?" Like they post on Facebook. "Well, good for them! Like they, they probably worked really hard" and, and also it helps, I read one place, to imagine that you helped them somehow. Like, "oh, I talked to them on the phone for five minutes. Maybe that helps them win their audition." 

Dalia: Yeah.

Jordan: Like the smallest thing, like, "oh wow. I helped them do that. Like, okay, good job for them. Now, now maybe my turn will come one day."

Dalia: And, and, and he -- exactly. And here's the thing that you can think of when you have that thought. There is no lack of opportunities. The minute you think of scarcity, the minute you think of competition, the minute you've lost, because you have said "they got, and I didn't, they won and I lost," and that's not true. There's so much abundance. If you decide right now that this is an abundant universe, and everything you want is literally a thought away, you won't be worried by competition. 

Jordan: Yeah, also --

Dalia: What's hers is hers. What's mine is mine. We're all getting everything that we want. And because we are creating, we are creating our thoughts from an abundant universe. And so our thoughts are bringing our desires right now or whatever time is, you know, right.

Jordan: Yeah. Like as a practical kind of thing, like TV's not going anywhere. Radio, like video games, they're all not going anywhere. And they're -- if we're talking about just voiceover --

Dalia: Yeah.

Jordan: -- like they are getting more voices. But if you want to think of something else, like painting or woodworking, people will always be interested in, like, handmade stuff. That, like, that's not going anywhere either. Oh, my work's --

Dalia: And you know what? You may find your opportunity comes from something else. You know, you might get a new opportunity. And you're like, "oh, well I don't want to do woodworking anymore because I found this great opportunity, and I'm going to explore that." You never know.

Jordan: Yeah. Like, I don't know artist plumbers, who knows? Like, you'll find some kind of, oh, what is it? It's called blue ocean strategy. Like, something that's never been done. And yeah, it'll be really interesting.

Dalia: Exactly. Like, think about the earliest voice actors. Do you think that from the beginning, there was e-learning and you know, telephony and all that stuff? Someone had to venture into those genres for the first time. You know what I mean? So like anything that you do, and we're not just talking about voice acting, do it with faith, because it may lead you to something completely unexpected that you end up pioneering. And even if it's not, maybe it's something you end up improving or making better, you know? So there's just so many ways to find success. But only, I believe -- it's my belief. So I'm not pushing this on anyone else -- if you have faith in the process.

Jordan: Yeah, or if you don't like --

Dalia: Just let it play out keep going in the direction that feels right.

Jordan: -- the word of faith, you can just say trust. You just trust something will happen.

Dalia: Exactly. And, and when I say faith, I'm not talking about, uh, uh, spiritual or religious faith. 

Jordan: Yeah.

Dalia: I'm literally talking about trust.

Jordan: Well, yeah, I know the word can be a problem for some people. 

Dalia: Yeah. That's, that's good that we clarify that. Yeah. So when we're talking about faith here, guys, we are talking not about religious faith, but just trust, trust in your life unfolding and the way that it should, trust in the timing of your life, trust in the process.

Jordan: Yeah. Also like you don't always get what you want, you get what you need, just like the song. And so maybe you really want like this vacation to Costa Rica, but maybe the universe instead gives you a vacation to Vietnam. And you're like, "wow, this is what I needed," when you go there.

Dalia: Exactly. And thank you for saying that, because that brings me to the other part of how to be okay with what's happening in your life, in this moment, even if it might seem difficult or hard, when you, especially when you compare it to everyone else. The answer for you will never be no. When you ask, it might feel like no, but you either get a yes, a not now, or a something better. So it's not an outright no. So that's why, that's another reason to trust in the way your life plays out. Because it might say, "no, I am not going to give you this job because in one month or two months from now, there'll be opportunity, and you will have a better job. So we don't want to get you tied down and get stuck in the busy work here."

Jordan: Yeah, yeah!

Dalia: "We want you to keep going on this path, because in a couple of months from now or a year from now, there'll be another opportunity for you that's even better. And that's what we want for you."

Jordan: Hear, hear. Good job. 

Dalia: So, yeah.

Jordan: So to recap, we have reframing, we have the one you just talked about.

Dalia: Affirmation. So we have reframing: reframe the thought from a negative one to a positive one. 

Jordan: Yeah. 

Dalia: Give yourself an affirmation. Interrupt the thought. If you can't think of a positive thought, just interrupt it. "I am talented. I am successful."

Jordan: Focus on something else or to praise that person and think maybe you helped them somehow.

Dalia: Yeah. So that's part of reframing, right? Because you're reframing the thought, and then you give yourself a positive affirmation. And just remember the third thing is that the answer will always be yes, not now, or something better.

Jordan: Good job. 

Dalia: I mean, yeah. That's definitely helped me. And so dude, now when I see people posting their Disney jobs and their Netflix jobs and whatever docu-, whatever it is --

Jordan: Yeah.

Dalia: -- I'm like, I genuinely light up with joy and excitement for them.

Jordan: Oh, I'm still working on that. I still feel jealousy, but yeah.

Dalia: You will get there. You will get there. I was in your place at one point. So you will get there when you trust and just allow yourself to be. You will get there. 

Jordan: Yeah. I know. Just yeah, more trust and stuff. So good job. Good job. 

Dalia: Yay! 

Jordan: Let's --

Dalia: Great. 

Jordan: -- not overwhelm. 

Dalia: Yeah.

Jordan: And we'll bring more helpful words of wisdom to you next time. 

Dalia: Exactly. If you guys have any questions, feel free to hit us up, ask away. We are happy to, um, talk about whatever topics you have. And if you want to share your story with us, please email us. We would love to feature you. And we can talk about how you've overcome any obstacles or any inspirational stories that you have that you'd love to share, so.

Jordan: Yeah. Thank you. All right. See you next time. Thank you. 

Dalia: Bye guys.

Jordan: Bye.

Victor: That's our show. Didn't get enough of the twins? Go to BloomingVoices.com for more information and let us know what you thought of the episode. Twitter, Instagram, email, we've got the works. We'll see you next Wednesday.