Victor: Do you listen to all the experts on podcasts and think, "no wonder they're experts. They're awesome. They're smart. They're..." -- stop right there! You're awesome. You have a story to tell, and there really is no one like you. Fellow normal humans Dalia Ramahi and Jordan Drayer share what they've learned in hopes of inspiring you to find your unique voice. This is the Blooming Voices Podcast. Go to bloomingvoices.com for more information. Now let's get to it.
Dalia: Hi everyone. Welcome to another episode. I'm Dalia Ramahi.
Jordan: And I'm Jordan Drayer. It's nice to see you guys again.
Dalia: We're so excited to have you with us -- with us for another episode. Excuse me, my tongue got tied. Um, today we're going to talk about society, our roles in it and our expectations and our fears as we navigate our way through it. Are you ready, Jordan?
Jordan: Yes. And with that in mind, society decisions also, when it comes to how, where do I want to live? What kind of society?
Dalia: Oh, life decisions are always the biggest. So I'm excited to get started.
Jordan: Yeah. I'm going to start with a life decision of my own right now, which is I've been -- well, so I studied -- well, okay. I was teaching in France, and for awhile, I was like, I want to do a master's here. This would be really cool to just stay here and it'll be an education. But now as I'm thinking more, um, I'm currently, this may not last, but I'm currently enamored with the idea of social -- uh, sorry, speech pathology. And so now I'm like, this is a kind of degree where it involves certification, and maybe it would be better to do it in the US because it's all scientific, and it's hard to get things to transfer some times, but also it might still just be better to do it in France because the school -- you pay 3000 euros as a foreign student fee. And that's it. And it's not like $50,000.
Dalia: Oh, believe me. I think you're, um, I think what you're thinking about is so exciting, and student loans, I know a little something about that. They are no fun. I just finished my own master's, and, uh, you know, I'm so looking forward to paying that off!
Jordan: I know. For me, like I graduated FSU in 2013, and I'm still -- I still have like $13,000 left. 'Cause I originally got them out -- like I didn't get them out for like buying cars or whatever, like some kids do. I got them for living. I had three scholarships and I still needed loans like for living, because my parents had another sister twin to pay for. And like she didn't have any scholarships.
Dalia: Yeah, that's the thing, is that, you know, um, these are decisions you're going to have to think long and hard up -- about. You know, I, I am all for higher learning. I am all for advancing ourselves, and you know, college isn't for everybody, and going to do it -- do your master's, that's not for everybody either. But if you think it's for you, I say, go for it. The question here is where do you go for it? Because how do you set yourself up so that you give yourself a chance at success rather than getting drowned in debt, which seems -- which seems to be the standard operating procedure for us here in America.
Jordan: Yeah. You could say that's --
Dalia: You try to make make advancements --
Jordan: -- part of our society --
Dalia: Exactly.
Jordan: -- or that it, it's expected to be in debt.
Dalia: Yeah, it's -- to be in debt. Exactly. You want a leg up? You want to advance yourself? Well, here you go. Take on debt in order to do it. So, I mean, I know, I get it. I understand the concern. It's really what you want, and you can do it here and you can do it abroad. I think you want after that -- what do you want that comes next? How do you want it to matter? You know what mean? So...
Jordan: Yeah. Because I still want to be able to do acting. Um, but I can do that in France too. And being, 'cause like my number one concern about moving, staying there is, I won't know anyone. I won't have any family and friends there, but like all of that can be solved with time. Like I, I managed to move from Orlando to Dallas, and I met some friends there. It took a few years, yeah, literally years, but they became friends, and then I did it again and from Dallas to Los Angeles. And so it's like, I can do it. And being in school would help to definitely meet people.
Dalia: Exactly. And, um, you know, I read something the other day that was so powerful. It said, uh, uh, I think it was, uh, I can't remember. Uh, but anyway, the point is it's when something like we get our ideas, they turn into thoughts and most people let go of thoughts. They don't actually turn it into action or a reality that can manifest itself. And it's true. Like, we'll have an idea. You know, imagine that, you know, we weren't talking to -- like, oh, you didn't talk about this with your sister, whoever. I'm like, oh, speech pathology. Hmm. That's an interesting idea. And, and you may have just let it go at that. But then most people would do that. They're like, oh, that's an interesting idea. And then they let the thought go.
Jordan: Yeah.
Dalia: But if you really want something, you got to hold onto the thought. So if you really want to believe that you can make it, you will make it. And like you -- and you, and you have the evidence to prove that you've made it so far. So whether you stay here or go abroad, you'll be fine --
Jordan: I also have --
Dalia: -- because you have the past evidence for that.
Jordan: Yeah. Like I know that I'm in a different position from most people because I have moved a lot in my childhood. I'm used to moving, and I'm used to having to make new friends and being the new kid. Like some people have never moved.
Dalia: Yeah.
Jordan: And so this kind of decision would be very hard for them.
Dalia: Are you talking about me? No, I'm just kidding.
Jordan: Uhh maybe, yeah.
Dalia: Well, I haven't moved. I've stayed in the same city, my whole life. That being said, I made sure to travel a lot. You know what I mean? Um, but for me it's a combination of comfort and, uh, security.
Jordan: Yeah, that's what I thought of.
Dalia: I, I, you know, as we both -- as our listeners know, by now, we, we are both, uh, two halves of a twin set, and my twin lives here. My whole family lives here, and it's not so much that I'm attached to the way things are. I just feel a sense of calm and security being around the people that I know, and you know, that's okay. But that's not to say that I never want to move. I just need to feel called really strongly to move.
Jordan: Yeah.
Dalia: You know what I mean?
Jordan: Like there's the pull and push factors.
Dalia: Exactly. So if I don't feel that, I'm, I'm content, like I'm fine being here, even though I, I really like -- I would love to go to LA, maybe even San Diego, honestly, I would love to move to Europe also, you know, but, but those aren't callings for me yet. Those are just, um, desires or very light desires. Do you know what I'm saying?
Jordan: What attracts you about Europe?
Dalia: The way of life. I think the flexibility, I know there's a, there's a certain amount of tolerance, intolerance thing going on over there. Um, but I'm not worried about that. I really like the way they embrace their own individual freedom and the flexibility to move into their life the way they see is best for them. You know what I mean? I can't say that about all Europe or all Europeans, but just from what I've seen, what I've read, what I've experienced, what I've heard from actual Europeans, there's a balance there that I crave --
Jordan: Yeah --
Dalia: -- and that I strive for here. But when others around me aren't striving for the same balance, it makes it look like, oh, maybe she's just being lazy or she's too carefree or easy-going. But that, those aren't the cases. I mean, one of my strongest values for myself is balance --
Jordan: Yes.
Dalia: -- and living life in an easy and relaxed way. And that's not laziness.
Jordan: No.
Dalia: That's just, what's important to me, not to be stressed out.
Jordan: It goes back to the society idea. Like, yes --
Dalia: Exactly.
Jordan: -- it's all about, oh, you're lazy. If you don't -- just like homeless people or whatever, like they're lazy.
Dalia: Yeah. If you're not working --
Jordan: There could be other, there could be another --
Dalia: -- 18-hour days, they think you're lazy.
Jordan: -- reason. Yeah.
Dalia: If you're not hustling and constantly posting your hustle on social media, you're not working hard enough.
Jordan: Like it's just different. Like, 'cause when I was in France, like we, and the students too, 'cause so many, so many people smoke compared to the US like, uh, I was kind of amazed, but it's like, there's so many breaks throughout the day. They don't have class after class like we do with five minutes in between to get to each class. Like they have like sometimes 10 to 15 minutes between classes that they go out and smoke and the teachers too. They just, everyone stands out there and like enjoys the sun. Or like, sometimes they'd be like, hey, it's sunny outside. Do you want to go, Jordan? And I'd be like, okay, even though like, they're, maybe they're not smoking at the time or they just want to stand outside and talk 'cause it's sunny.
Dalia: Exactly. And that goes to the point that, you know, you and I talked about once is that we are brainwashed and programmed to believe in the hustle, and that, you know, we have to kill ourselves in order to be successful. Because you know, what is the narrative you always hear about successful people? Oh, they worked day and night. They grinded themselves to the bone in order to achieve their overnight success. And I just don't believe that that really has to be the way because the rest of the world shows us that the American way of life --
Jordan: Yeah.
Dalia: -- doesn't have to be the only way in order to be a successful human being.
Jordan: Yeah. Because like, even in Japan where they have like really strict workdays, they also have like 200 hol- -- festivals that they get off school from throughout the year --
Dalia: That's amazing.
Jordan: -- something like that. So they always have like stuff happening.
Dalia: They're celebrating life basically.
Jordan: Yeah. To relax.
Dalia: Yeah. I, uh, I once had a teacher in college. It was for a business class. I can't even remember the teacher's name, not that I would say their name on, on air, but, um, they said, because I was studying finance and economics and um -- they told me that the person that puts the most hours in wins, and I remember thinking wins what? An early death? Like what, what do they win? Like, I was so confused by that comment. And I didn't understand until I got into the real world. And um, you know, I went into a financial advisor's office, and I did a stint there. And uh, I worked at a couple of, uh, you know, corporations temporarily before I started my career. And I just saw how all these finance people were just grinding themselves to the bone, like I said earlier. And I'm just like, oh, I guess this is what he meant, the person who works the most hours, because those were the people that everyone talked about in the office as if somehow they were like, um, I dunno, up on a pedestal. You know what I mean?
Jordan: Yeah. That again reminds me of what I learned from Japanese classes about Japanese culture. Like anyone that apparently falls asleep at work, it's funny because here they're seen as "get, you know, wake up!" Like, what are you being so lazy for? But apparently there, it's seen as a good sign. Like they're working so hard, they're tired! That is so strange.
Dalia: What a nice attitude. Oh, she's taking a nap. Oh, how nice she's taking a nap because she works so hard.
Jordan: Yeah, it's just so interesting.
Dalia: That would never fly here.
Jordan: I know.
Dalia: I always think of George Costanza. If anyone out there watches Seinfeld, you know what I'm talking about, the episode where he makes a little cubby, nap cubby under his desk at work? You don't know what I'm talking about?
Jordan: No, I've never really watched it.
Dalia: But anyway. Okay. Well, I just always think about that. You know, you got to hide the moments you want to take a little break from the pressure that you're feeling. So anyway, back to what we were saying, you know, working hard, what does society expect? What do you want? They're not always the same. They clash, and you gotta figure out what's best for you.
You know?
Jordan: Yeah, see, somehow, because of the brainwashing, I guess, like I have this idea that if I go to Europe, it's not real life, and America is real -- like now I'm thinking about my seven months in France as a dream. And like being in America, this is real life and having to work hard. I just keep having this i- -- yeah, that idea that, oh, I'm not meant to stay in France because it's not allowed. It's too easy or something like, not that it's easy, but uh, you know what I mean? Like it's, it's, like you get vacations. I don't know.
Dalia: I completely agree. That's of our, um, that's part of your old paradigm, your old way of thinking.
Jordan: Yeah.
Dalia: That's your, that's your programming. That's what runs in the background when you're not thinking. So every decision you make is made with that programming, that's running in the background, the subconscious programming that you're not even aware, you know what I mean?
Jordan: Yeah.
Dalia: So my advice to you or to anyone out there listening, when you have a decision to make, especially one that really stretches you out of your comfort zone or takes you literally out of your comfort zone, like in the case of you going to Europe, you know, ask yourself, what is it that I'm hesitating for? And if the question comes up, because, because of this, because of that, just realize that that's your old programming. That's your way, your -- your subconscious, your just deep down way of thinking. And what you're doing is trying to challenge that at some level.
Jordan: Yeah. Yeah, I think --
Dalia: With your current decisions.
Jordan: Like for me, what I do hesitate on, oh, I enjoy my life in Los Angeles and living with my roommate, friends. And, uh, it's comfortable here. I love being able to watch TV shows with them at night. And will I have that in the future? Will I be able to make friends that we can play board games and watch TV shows together and movies in the future? And yeah, I guess. It just takes time.
Dalia: So I guess then the other question is, what do you want? Do you want a comfortable life? Would you like your life to stay the way it is now? Or do you want something more? That's a question you get to ask, and if you're happy with it, then I think you've made your decision.
Jordan: Yeah.
Dalia: If you want something more, then obviously what you have right now isn't it because you are craving something more, and you know that there's another step you need to take to get there.
Jordan: Yeah, I think, well, it's like, you can, you can miss both too. Like for me, I think it would be really nice to have -- my cat is meowing in the back. Um, like I don't want to have to have a car. I don't want to pay car insurance and have to worry about, I always worry about, oh, the tires are running down. The engine, something's going to happen to it.
Dalia: Oil change.
Jordan: And so it'd be nice to live in a place where I don't need a car and it's just trains, like Europe. But then that means also leaving old friends because there's nothing like an old friend compared to like newer friends, even if...
Dalia: Hey. But let me tell you this, new friends can become old friends, so --
Jordan: Yeah, with time.
Dalia: -- think about that. Yeah. So I think where I'm coming from is that time is relative.
Jordan: Yeah.
Dalia: You know, it speeds up and slows down based on our experience. I mean time is time. It's, it's, it keeps flowing, but our perception of it changes. And my perception of time is different from your perception of time. And the only reason we, uh, can come to an understanding of what time is is because there's some external thing that tells us, this is what time is about. This is what it feels like. You know what I mean? The point I'm trying to make is that, you know, just think about just an individual day, how long or short it can seem based on what's going on in your own life.
Jordan: Yeah.
Dalia: You know what I mean? So time is relative. So, you know, it could take a long time, but you could be doing so much in that time, that before you know it, you have such a great new life, or you could stay here and feel like, um, you're standing still. So I'm not trying to push you to go or to stay or whatever. I'm just saying, I'm just challenging the thoughts that you might be having --
Jordan: Yeah.
Dalia: -- when you think about like, you know, well, it's going to take time to make friends. Yes. As we get older, that's just natural. It's harder to make friends as an adult, especially as you get older --
Jordan: Yeah, it really is.
Dalia: -- but it's not impossible. Do -- your thoughts are the only thing that'll get in your way with that. You know what I mean?
Jordan: Yeah. Like, I, I, it's been three years of being in Los Angeles. I feel like I'm, I sort of have friends, but like all of my good friends are still from university times and Florida.
Dalia: Well, I'm going to tell you something about me. I've had childhood friends that I grew up with. I've had, I've had new friends that I've made and then I decided to let go of, and I have friends now that aren't my childhood friends that I love dearly and feel like family. And I feel like I've known them my whole life. You know what I mean? I don't really talk to as many of my childhood friends anymore. And there's a reason for that. Because as I get older, as I realize what I want, I realize that we're not in alignment in the ways we think, you know what I mean? And I, I'm the kind of person that constantly pushes myself to move forward, but I won't hold myself back for anyone else. You're free to walk with me, but I'm not going to stay still for you.
Jordan: Yeah.
Dalia: You know? And some people think, oh, that's so bitchy. That's so selfish. It's not, because when I, when I, when I'm, when I'm on my death bed and I don't mean to sound grim, I want to know that I lived full life, not have regrets that, you know, why did I wait so long to do this when I knew that they weren't going to do it with -- you know what I mean? Just whatever.
Jordan: Yeah.
Dalia: So I'm going to keep moving forward. And that means for me, shedding a lot of friends. So I'm okay with that. So that's where I come from.
Jordan: Yeah, that makes me think of, there's this image. It was from one of like those chain emails of the early 2000s or something. But it was like, either you can go crawling slowly into your, your grave, or you can go sliding in like, what a ride!
Dalia: Yeah. That's what I want to be doing. I want to be sliding in, and I want to be so at peace because every day I've chosen to live life on my terms. That's all. And like I said, it's not meant to say, ooh, I'm trying to act like a bad ass. I hate that attitude. You know what I mean? But all I'm saying is, you know, you gotta make decisions that are best for you. And yeah, great childhood friends are great, but they're not sleeping with you at night. They're not keeping you up at night with your worries. You're doing that. You know what I mean?
Jordan: Yeah, I know.
Dalia: So if you're holding yourself back because of what you know 'cause you're afraid to lose that comfort, you're the only one losing.
Jordan: Yeah, I know. Like there's, of course, challenges still in Los Angeles for me. And, but like yesterday my landlord was like, we're going to raise the rent next year. And like, I won't be here next year, but my roommates will have to deal with that. And all I can think of as wow, I need a, I need a less expensive city for now. And some, maybe somewhere in France would be better or go back to Texas. And uh, I mean, I don't know.
Dalia: LA is expensive.
Jordan: These are, these are --
Dalia: There's just a lot of things, yeah.
Jordan: Push factors. Yeah.
Dalia: And then there will be your what keeps you there. You know? It's, it's really what you, what you want. You know, I think that as long as what you hear is your voice, and I, and I'm not talking about that fearful voice that says what if, what if, what if, you know what I mean?
Jordan: Yeah.
Dalia: As long as what you hear is your voice, you'll be comfortable with whatever decision you make, just make sure it's your voice.
Jordan: At this point, I feel like I would be fine, that I would not regret either way, like, okay, I'm not going back to Europe or, okay, I'm leaving LA. Like I wouldn't -- I can always come back to either one maybe, although Europe would be harder. So at least I don't regret right now.
Dalia: I mean, again, like you said, as long as you don't regret what you do, that decision is yours, you know? But if you, um, if you decide that staying will only hinder you because of money or whatever, there's nothing wrong then saying, uh, well maybe if I go somewhere else for a little while, get my stuff together, figure it out and then come back. You know, when I'm in a stronger position.
Jordan: Yeah. That is one thing --
Dalia: I think about that all the time, because --
Jordan: I think about --
Dalia: -- the DC area is super expensive.
Jordan: Oh. Like for me --
Dalia: Yeah.
Jordan: -- I think about like provided you live 'til 90 or something, I get so inspired sometimes when I meet people that are like 60, and they're like, I did this for 10 years. I did this for five years, and I'm like, wow, there's so much life to live. And, and so it's like, it's not a big deal if I go to Texas for like two years and then come back to California or something like that.
Dalia: Yeah. There's um -- I do believe that, you know, there is such a thing as certain opportunities, the door closing on them, but that doesn't mean that's the end. It just means that another opportunity, if you're meant for it, will bring you back to that area in another capacity, in a better capacity. Because, um, you know, the best, one of the best things that I've learned is that when you're trying for something, whether it's a voiceover gig or, um, a big opportunity moving cities, and if it's something doesn't work out for you, the answer is never, no, never, this was never meant for you. It just means that you, you, when you'd -- when you want to make a decision, you'll either get a yes, and it will be very clear when it is yes, or a not now --
Jordan: Yeah.
Dalia: -- or I'm not going to give you this because something better is coming for you. You know what I mean?
Jordan: Yeah, you talked about this.
Dalia: So -- exactly. And I literally live my, my life by that. So whenever I make a decision, I'm easy going about it because I know the answer's going to be yes, not now, or something better. So I don't sit there fretting over something that doesn't work out because I know that either it'll happen for me later or something better is on its way. And that's just, it's just a way of thinking.
Jordan: I feel like it's worth ending on that note so that it's more, it's in the minds of the listeners.
Dalia: Yeah, there you go.
Jordan: Yes, not now or no, because there's something better.
Dalia: Exactly.
Jordan: So --
Dalia: So keep that in mind, folks.
Jordan: Good, good episode.
Dalia: Yep.
Jordan: Thank you. And continue challenging yourself and wrestling with big decisions and go watch the Ted Talk on making decisions. I forgot who the name of the person is, but basically there is no right or wrong, and it's just you putting meaning towards something or what most vibes with you.
Dalia: Exactly. And if you guys want more materials about our thoughts, we'll link some resources on our website, along with this episode, because I really think that it'll help you, you know, just to keep in mind that your thoughts are everything, and they drive everything. And the thoughts you have at a subconscious level, you don't need to be so hard on yourself because that's just old programming, especially as you try to stretch yourself into something new. So just be gentle and that's it. So thank you, everyone.
Jordan: Thank you. Have a good rest of the day.
Dalia: All right.
Victor: That's our show. Didn't get enough of the twins? Go to BloomingVoices.com for more information and let us know what you thought of the episode. Twitter, Instagram, email, we've got the works. We'll see you next Wednesday.
