Victor: Do you listen to all the experts on podcasts and think, "no wonder they're experts. They're awesome. They're smart. They're..." -- stop right there! You're awesome. You have a story to tell, and there really is no one like you. Fellow normal humans Dalia Ramahi and Jordan Drayer share what they've learned in hopes of inspiring you to find your unique voice. This is the Blooming Voices Podcast. Go to bloomingvoices.com for more information. Now let's get to it.
Jordan: Hi guys. Welcome to the Blooming Voices Podcast. I'm Jordan Drayer.
Dalia: And I'm Dalia Ramahi. We're so excited that you guys have joined us for another episode.
Jordan: So today we're going to talk about what it's like when you want to plan something for yourself, and for some reason it's harder than when you're doing it for another person.
Dalia: Yes. What's it like to meet a goal for somebody else, for some external timeline, but when it comes to your own personal projects, your own career, you find yourself floundering? And I know we're not alone with that.
Jordan: No. Yeah. Like I was going to ask, has this happened to you? Where like when I, okay -- the work deadline for the paper is Friday the 17th, and I will do everything to get the paper done by the 10th. But if I say, okay, I'm going to write one chapter a night for myself. I'm writing a book. Somehow it never happens. I write one word and I -- and it's just because there's no accountability, really is what it is.
Dalia: Yeah. And, um, you know, I would say that I've had that issue before. When I was in the corporate world, anyone needed anything for me, I got it done ahead of schedule. Um, when friends want help with their marketing, finances, whatever, creative projects, I'm there, you know what I mean? If they're in a pinch, I'll be there to help when I have it -- like you said, if, when I was doing my papers for my bachelor's or my master's, but when it comes to my own business, to do my marketing, there's no sense of urgency. That's what it is. It's like where's the sense of urgency for my own self, the way I have it for other people? When it comes to that sense of urgency for yourself, it seems non-existent, or you know it's there, but you can't seem to get the motivation or the inspiration or the discipline to act on it. And that's what we're talking about today. What is that feeling? What does it feel like and how can you navigate through it? And why is it that we feel that way? Jordan just said it's -- what did you just say, Jordan? Because no accountability.
Jordan: Yeah. Lack of accountability. Like for me, it's so easy to do things for other people. Even like to make gifts for other people when like for Christmas or something, because I know there's a deadline and, um, there's a little bit of fear involved. Like if it's for work, 'cause you want to get the paper in on time. You don't want to get fired or something like that. But so when it's just yourself, there's no one that you have to report to. You're not going to fire yourself, and you can be like, oh, well, I'll get it done tomorrow. And then tomorrow becomes the next day.
Dalia: I find that interesting. And I do think that accountability has a part to do with that. But even people who have accountability buddies, um, suffer with the same thing. Like I have accountability buddies in different areas of my business. And unfortunately, while I'm so appreciative for what they do for me and what I can do for them, I still find myself in the same type of situation sometimes.
Jordan: Yeah, I sometimes think accountability groups don't work because in the end, it's still you. And it's just them being like, oh, good job. Oh, you tried.
Dalia: Yeah, exactly.
Jordan: like everyone feeling like --
Dalia: They're cheering you on.
Jordan: Yeah. They're not forcing you.
Dalia: But even if you have that voice that says, get your shit together, man, come on, let's move this. You know what I mean?
Jordan: Yeah.
Dalia: What does it take? What is it gonna take for you to light that fire under your own butt and get yourself going? You know what I mean?
Jordan: For me, one of the things it takes is an actual date. Like I finally finished from -- like long story short, like I fully converted to Judaism because my mom was not the Jewish one and, uh, had a bat mitzvah. So there was a date set, like from the beginning of the summer. And for me to learn the Torah that I was going to read and to sing it properly, it's like, okay, this is for me. Yes. But it's also like, I don't want to mess up the service and sing badly and stuff like that. So I, it made me practice.
Dalia: So, okay. So this is a perfect example. What do -- why was this so important enough for you to honor your commitment to yourself and follow through on the deadline that was set? Because did you set that deadline or did someone else set that deadline for you?
Jordan: Yeah, I kind of set it because I'm, I am going back to France in late September. And so it's like, I wanted to do this. At the time, I was like, well, I could be staying in France after that. And it's going to take me a long time probably to find another temple community. And so I want to do this now with people I know. And let's just do it this summer.
Dalia: So your sense of urgency, because you don't know what was going to happen in the future made you act on it more than maybe if you were comfortable in your situation.
Jordan: Yeah. Even though currently, now I've decided that I'm going to stay in LA -- and like, we can talk about that another time -- um, it's like that urgency did help. It was urgency and a set date that got me going.
Dalia: Yeah, exactly. So I think that that, I think the comfort level has something to do with it. When I know I'm comfortable, even if I have a sense of urgency and a deadline, whether I set it myself or someone else sets it for me, I find that I'm more likely to -- I hate the word slack off because I don't think it has anything to do with laziness.
Jordan: Yeah.
Dalia: And it -- procrastination isn't about laziness. What I think that there's something there inside you, and not you specifically, Jordan. I just mean in each of us that doubts or has some kind of worthiness or deservingness issue. And actually I read this article that made a lot of sense to me ,and I'll just share the gist of it. And there was this powerful speaker who said it as well and articulated it so beautifully. He basically said that what it is is you do not respect your own word to yourself. So why is that though? Do you have some kind of belief of inferiority about yourself? Some kind of insecurity? Usually we don't believe in ourselves because those negative feelings exist in us. And so we don't keep our words to ourselves because we don't feel like we deserve to, because there's, there's something lacking that we view in our own minds.
Jordan: Yeah.
Dalia: It may not be true, but we perceive it that way. And so that is what comes across as procrastination, starting something new.
Jordan: I've heard that before.
Dalia: Yeah. And it's so, and you know when I read that, I'm like, oh my God, that makes so much sense because everyone wants to joke around that. Procrastinating, for example, is someone being lazy, but it's not. Honoring your word to yourself is not about you being dishonest -- uh, or not honoring your word to yourself, I should say. It's about, um, some lack of belief that you are worthy of honoring what you promise to yourself, the way you honor other people, like your promise to other people. Does that make sense?
Jordan: Yeah. So, I mean, I think too sometimes like say you are working on a book in your spare time, some of it is, I don't know, tired. You are tired and you're allowed to be tired. Like you get home from your eight or ten hours of work at your other normal job, like all day and you want a break. You don't want to go straight to writing, even though this is the only time you have to do it. And like you do want to break. And so it's less understandable. So at some point --
Dalia: Yeah, but I don't think that's what we're talking about here. We're just talking about why you don't honor your word to yourself and meet the deadlines that you've set for yourself.
Jordan: Yeah.
Dalia: I mean, we can go on a day-to-day basis. I mean, we all have daily routines that exhaust us and we're not always up a hundred percent of the time or positive or optimistic. I don't, I think that's obviously like, it's okay to take downtime. You know what I mean?
Jordan: Yeah.
Dalia: And rest, but the bigger issue is if you're doing that every day. Well, if you, you said that you're planning to write this chapter in one week, and you find that it's the end of the week, and you haven't written a single chapter, why is that? Are you that unhappy in your job that it's sucking the soul out of you, and you are that tired when you get home? Or is it that you don't believe that you can? And so you keep delaying and procrastinating until you've passed the deadline and then you convince yourself, oh, well I knew I couldn't do it. I'll just try again the next week?
Jordan: Yeah.
Dalia: You know what I mean? Like, so there's, there's something deeper. What I want to encourage, you know, everyone to do is to dig deeper, because it's not always just surface level. There's something more to it. If it's, if you find a pattern developing. Once in a while, yeah. But when patterns develop, that's our cue to dig a deeper and why? If you truly want that change, I mean.
Jordan: Yeah. Yeah. I think that the -- 'cause people talk about a fear of success. I think that comes in too, like, what if my life changes? I could actually start getting hired for my photography and, and then --
Dalia: Oh, what a nightmare! And then you'll make money. What is -- such a nightmare? No, I'm just kidding, no.
Jordan: I do feel like that sometimes when I'm doing voiceover marketing. Um, I'm like, well, I want to do five to 10 people a day emails. And then when it comes to it, I'm like, oh, I'm so tired. This is so dumb. And so then nothing gets done in the whole week. And then I didn't do any marketing.
Dalia: Exactly.
Jordan: And then I just complain.
Dalia: And then what happens? Are you any further along in your goal or your, or your desires or your dream for yourself in voiceover? No. Exactly. So, I mean, I don't know what all this means, guys, but I think my takeaway from this conversation is that it's okay to be you and to allow yourself the space to recalibrate, regroup, rest. But when you find patterns developing that you don't like, or aren't giving you the momentum that, or change that you want in your life, it's time to take that as a sign to dig deeper and really ask why.
Jordan: Or also like, whenever I find myself getting like -- I -- it's been two months since I've done marketing, the best way to get back into it is to start really small, like, okay, one person a day. I emailed one person. Yay!
Dalia: Exactly.
Jordan: And the same with like, that's where they, they say about like people that go exercise after the new year. Like everyone is trying to go for these giant goals, but they're not even used to exercising. So of course they fail because it's too much.
Dalia: And they think they have to have this like hard, rigid routine where you're lifting this amount of weights and doing --
Jordan: -- this for three hours.
Dalia: And exercise could be simple as moving. Start dancing in your own room.
Jordan: Yeah.
Dalia: Take a light walk with your dog. I mean, we got to look at things in pieces, not -- we can't look at ourselves based on where someone else is at on their journey. And I think that has a part to do with it. I think at least for me, because I overwhelm myself sometimes with my marketing. I'm like, oh my God, everyone around me is like reaching 50 people a day. And they're doing all these follow-ups, and here I am just trying to figure out how to customize each email so that it's authentic and unique to the person I'm reaching out to. And I'm so slow, you know. But I can't compare myself to what others are doing. Sometimes you just got to stop and be happy with where you're at and take one small baby step forward.
Jordan: That's true.
Dalia: That's it.
Jordan: I don't know.
Dalia: Do you have any last thoughts?
Jordan: Just that, yeah, working towards the bat mitzvah was nice, 'cause like, as a musician growing up, like everything was always working towards a set date, the concert, the recital, and it was always in the foreground or something. So this was nice. And I need to learn how to put this towards marketing somehow like, okay. By like two months in advance, like by November 1st, I want this, and yeah, that's apparently something you're supposed to do is like set business plans and goals. And if I haven't met this by this -- like in a normal store, they'd be like, we need to reach this sales number by this date. And I always kind of hate that, but like, I do need to do something like that for myself.
Dalia: Yeah. And I think that the most important thing, whether you're a small business owner, a startup, someone considering entrepreneurialship, you know what I mean? You know, you can take it for what it's worth. Just, you know, if someone says, this is the way to success, this is the formula to success, and this is what I did, and this is what I did, and you try to follow it, you know, every step of the way, and you find that you're stumbling and you're floundering and it doesn't feel right, that's okay. Just take the parts that work for you and work yourself into it. Just because this is someone else's formula for success doesn't mean that's necessarily going to be yours specifically. We can learn and get ideas from other people, but honor your process and -- along the way, you know?
Jordan: Yeah.
Dalia: That's what I've learned from my, uh, handling my business is that, you know, yeah. I need to know my numbers, and I need to know what I'm doing every day, but I'm going to do it my way. It's something in a way that makes sense for me.
Jordan: You can also plan relaxation time in your schedule. Like, okay, I got home from my eight-hour job. From 6:00 to 8:00, this is relaxation and eating time. And now 8:00 to 9:00, I must write or something like that.
Dalia: Exactly. Or even smaller chunks, like 8:00 to 8:20.
Jordan: Yeah.
Dalia: We don't, we're not talking about hours of your life on your extracurricular activity or your side business or hustle or your, or if you're a full-time business, whatever it is, just even 15, 20 minutes. Even if you go for it, like exercising, 20-minute, 30-minute exercise routine, 15, 20-minute walk. Right? Smaller chunks, progress, progress, progress.
Jordan: All right, good.
Dalia: I dunno. That's all I got. What about you, Jordan?
Jordan: Yeah. Like baby steps and me too. I'm struggling with it. And I'm glad that you are too. And we all do and like be good, be better to yourself.
Dalia: Absolutely. Amen.
Jordan: I'll try it.
Dalia: And with that, we are wrapping up this episode. Thank you so much, Jordan. I loved your input, and I hope that our listeners found this super valuable. I know I did. So thank you.
Jordan: Yes. If you have any questions or comments or feedback, you can email us. We have Twitter and Instagram and we are available.
Dalia: And don't forget to visit our website. Absolutely. Bloomingvoices.com.
Jordan: Yes. Thank you so much.
Dalia: Take care guys. Bye!
Jordan: Bye!
Victor: That's our show. Didn't get enough of the twins? Go to BloomingVoices.com for more information and let us know what you thought of the episode. Twitter, Instagram, email, we've got the works. We'll see you next Wednesday.
